Motherly
Why your tween's drama isn’t defiance—and how to respond with calm
Think your tween's mood swings are just drama? It may be nervous system overload. Learn 6 expert-backed ways to support your child and restore calm a…
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Expert Reveals 5 'Normal' Tween Behaviors That Signal Deeper Nervous System Distress
Parenting expert Dr. Chelsey HaugeZavaleta, PhD, recently highlighted five behaviors in tween girls that she asserts are often misunderstood by parents. According to Dr. HaugeZavaleta, these actions, frequently dismissed as 'normal tween stuff' or 'tween girl drama,' are actually indicators that a daughter's nervous system is experiencing chronic dysregulation and is 'screaming for help.' Dr. HaugeZavaleta explained that the period between ages 8 and 12 is critical, as a daughter's brain undergoes significant rewiring while her sense of confidence develops. During this time, if a child's nervous system is in a constant state of overwhelm, she will be 'unable to cooperate,' rather than simply being defiant or bratty. "She cannot cooperate. Her nervous system is too overwhelmed, and your task is to help her bring it down," Dr. HaugeZavaleta stated. The five key behaviors identified by the expert include: an inability to maintain basic routines she previously handled, making nasty comments during family time, displaying a lack of care for activities she once enjoyed, constantly initiating conflicts with siblings, and experiencing intense crying over seemingly minor incidents. Dr. HaugeZavaleta clarified that these are not 'behavior problems to be fixed with consequences,' but rather 'regulation problems that need your co-regulation.' She emphasized that a tween's nervous system is seeking regulation, often through the 'friction created by drama.' She concluded by stressing the importance of parental calm and groundedness. "When you stay calm and grounded, she can access that state as well," she noted, adding that if parents are also dysregulated, both parent and child remain 'stuck in survival mode.' Dr. HaugeZavaleta is offering a live webinar to provide parents with a system to help their daughters achieve and maintain nervous system regulation.
Upworthy
Neuroscientist breaks down why 'normal tween girl drama' deserves a lot more co…
“Most parents do not realize that between the ages of 8 and 12, your daughter's brain is rewiring itself while her confidence forms."
