Child Therapist Reveals Common Phrase That Harms Kids' Emotional Development

Expert Therapist Explains Why "It's Okay" Might Not Be Okay for Children's Emotional Health A recent online video featuring Tracy Wilshusen, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and child therapist, has sparked discussion among parents by challenging the common practice of telling upset children, "it's okay." Wilshusen, who is also a mother, emphasizes that while validating a child's right to feel any emotion is crucial, a dismissive "it's okay, you're fine" can have detrimental effects on their emotional development. "It's totally okay to say, 'it's okay to feel sad'," Wilshusen clarified, drawing a clear distinction between validating the emotion itself and invalidating the experience. She explained that when a child is hurt or upset, and an adult responds with "it's okay," the child might interpret this as their feelings being wrong or unwarranted. "They're thinking to themselves, 'No, but that really hurt. Like, I'm really sad. Am I not allowed to feel sad? Am I not allowed to feel hurt?'" she elaborated, highlighting the potential for children to internalize the message that certain emotions should be repressed. She warns that this can lead to a pattern of emotional suppression, affecting their ability to cope with feelings like anger and sadness well into adulthood. Wilshusen underscored that young children, particularly toddlers, possess a short-term perspective and are actively learning about the world and their place within it. Their emotional responses, though seemingly minor to adults, are significant to them. Instead of minimizing their pain, she advises parents to engage with empathy, suggesting questions like, "Are you okay? Do you need a hug?" This approach acknowledges their distress and offers comfort. Additionally, she advocates for teaching "grounding skills" from an early age. "I'll hold her to my chest so she can feel me taking deep breaths," she shared, describing a technique she uses with her own daughter. Other practical suggestions include engaging in sensory activities like going outside and touching grass together. "This way, you're teaching them how to regulate their emotions and not suppress them," Wilshusen concluded, noting that mastering these communication techniques was a personal learning journey for her as well. For parents of young toddlers, she strongly recommends "The Montessori Toddler" book as a valuable resource.

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