Motherly
How to teach kids to recognise incompetence early
One mom used a simple moment to teach her son about responsibility—recognising incompetence can shape healthier habits.
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Viral Parenting Moment: Mother's Dishwasher Debate with Son Unpacks "Weaponized Incompetence"
A recent video shared by social media personality Shelbie Marie has ignited a widespread discussion on contemporary parenting challenges, particularly regarding children's responsibilities and communication styles within the family unit. The video, which features a candid conversation between Marie and her oldest son, delves into a disagreement over household chores, specifically the loading of a dishwasher. In the unscripted interaction, Marie addresses her son about taking "personal responsibility." Her son, in turn, attempts to explain his perspective, stating, "I am trying to explain myself so then I can give context so I can take ownership. But it's kind of hard when you don't let me speak." He suggests that his mother should have provided more explicit instructions, proposing, "What you should have said was, 'Calvin, what just happened?' And then I would have said, 'it just blanked from the ball.' And then you should have said, 'Okay, that shouldn't have happened because that should be picked up. Can you pick that up please and bring it up here?'" Marie acknowledges her son's need for a different approach in communication, stating, "I can approach the situation a little bit differently." However, she firmly reiterates her expectation of his capability: "I will not give you step-by-step instructions on how to pick up after yourself... You are perfectly capable of picking up your cereal bowl, dumping it in the sink, rinsing it out and putting it in the dishwasher. Yes or no?" She concludes by labeling his behavior as "weaponized incompetence," explaining, "You are coming at me because I asked you to come back in and do that correctly." The video has resonated with millions, sparking a debate among viewers about the balance between fostering independence and providing clear guidance, as well as the concept of "weaponized incompetence" in family dynamics.
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Mom's conversation with her son about 'weaponized incompetence' sparks parentin…
"Learning to speak to our children in a way that serves them takes work but it matters so much."
