Parenting Insights: How Dads' Well-Intentioned Words Can Shape Kids' People-Pleasing Habits

A recent online discussion led by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Codependency Kate, has shed light on two often-overlooked behaviors by fathers that can inadvertently contribute to people-pleasing traits in their children. The therapist, known for her insights into relationship dynamics, emphasizes the importance of intentional communication and self-awareness in parenting.According to Kate, one common scenario involves fathers telling their children, "We need to be so grateful for all Mom does for us." While the intention is to teach gratitude and show appreciation for the partner, Kate explains, "The issue is that they're doing it to the kids about the other parent." This can create guilt in children, making them feel bad for having normal wants and needs, or for not always being satisfied. Instead, Kate advises fathers to "model it" by directly expressing appreciation to their wives, such as saying, "Sweetheart, you do so much for us, I love you so much," separate from the children.The second behavior identified is fathers telling their children to "be good for Mom today" when leaving the house. Again, the intention is often to ease the partner's burden or out of personal guilt. However, Kate warns that "the impact of that is that the kids might feel guilty about and they might feel responsible for Mom's emotions." She stresses that a mother is responsible for her own emotions, and children should not bear that burden. The recommended alternative is for fathers to tell their children directly, "Y'all are going to have so much fun with Mom today. You're allowed to be upset, express all of your emotions. Mom can handle it and we're so proud of you."Kate concludes by urging fathers to examine their own feelings of guilt, which often stem from their own family dynamics, as "parenting your kids is re-parenting yourself." This self-reflection, she suggests, is crucial for fostering healthier emotional development in children.

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Therapist reveals two ways dads can accidentally promote people-pleasing in kids

Kate Gray, a licensed marriage and family therapist, recently went viral on TikTok for explaining how dads, without realizing it, can push their kids…